Advice - Relationships

The Creep, And How To Avoid Being One

If someone is creepy, it means they give others an uneasy feeling. The sort of feeling that your gut instinct tells you is off, not right or just plain rude. This happens when someone invades the personal boundaries of others, physically or verbally. It happens because the said creep is indirectly threatening to be physically in contact with you. It’s really not very pleasant at all.

Whilst I get porn and popular culture can be very “I’m going to take you and ravish you, doing all the fantasy things I’ve ever dreamed of”, creeps have difficulty understanding that that isn’t how healthy relationships are formed at all. Even negotiated scenes like that require lots of trust, respect and communication, fully grounded in the real world, to not be creepy in the slightest.

Since there are a significant number of people that like to complain that they don’t get any action, whatever that action is, and keep behaving inappropriately in their messages, posts, comments online and interacting directly with others on the scene, here is my guide to avoid the creep label:

  1. Other people’s bodies are not yours. Don’t think for one second you are entitled to sex or kink. You really are not. No one is. It involves touching. You do NOT have the right to another person’s body.
  2. Other people’s inboxes are not yours. You may get really turned on by the sexy messages from strangers on the internet, but you should assume others categorically do not want them.
  3. Whatever platform you are on, the images, videos or writings of other people may turn you on, but they are NOT intended as an invitation for you to forget 1.&2. If someone posts something sexy, that’s their self expression. People can look and behave sexily/kinkily and not want sex/kink.
  4. The comments section of posts might well be an opportunity for you to express your opinions, but remember that post is from an individual, actual, real, human person with thoughts and feelings of their own. However you decide to interpret the post is up to you, but if you comment in a way that forgets to treat people as human beings, resorting to sexualising them without invitation, you’re being creepy. Keep it clean.
  5. If someone is flirtatious on one occasion, it’s not an open season ticket to flirt uncontrollably. If they’re flirtatious with someone else, you can’t join in uninvited.
  6. If someone you have previously liked/loved/lusted with posts something sexy after your break up (or end of a casual fling) it wasn’t an invitation for you to be flirtatious again. It wasn’t for you. If you’re in a relationship, you can’t really assume it’s for you either, not really.
  7. Just because someone has lots of sexy photos and videos, and has played with a lot of people, doesn’t make them “easy” and open game. Chances are they’ve had lots of fun with people they’ve spent time building dynamics with, but most definitely are pretty scrupulous in choosing their partners. Most people are, after all.
  8. No one wants to know if you masturbated to their posts. No one needs to know what you think about their bodies. No one wants you to judge their bodies. Very rarely there might be an explicit caption inviting such comments, but tread carefully especially if you don’t know the person.
  9. Complaining is like crying for attention. It is weak and/or manipulative. It’s pretty distasteful to assume you’re entitled to sex/kink/sexts via wanting people to feel sorry for you. Do you really want to be with someone that pities you rather than admires you?
  10. Telling people what they want is stupid. Quite literally. You’re assuming you’re a mind reader, when all you know is what you are and what you want. By negating what they want and projecting your desires onto them, you are not treating them as capable of owning their own mind.
  11. When someone says no, back off. Pursuing them further is harassment. Not hearing no makes you totally unfit for a relationship.

So, there you have it. You now have zero excuse to be creepy. You now know that a person’s body, profile and inbox is not yours. Whatever you see, it’s not an excuse to be sexual with others, no matter how sexy they look. Now, go out, learn some communication skills and treat people with respect.

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