The Fetishisation of Suspension Ties

I think this term in the title is valid. Suspension ties are being fetishised. They are being promoted as the best thing in rope spaces. It looks delicious and thirsty people want a mouthful . It is a goal many riggers and bottoms aspire towards. There is a lot of validation of this when we get to that level. Though, in reality, once I reached there, just as much as other parts of rope journeys, I realised just how little I know and how the practices and guidelines change. The more you know, the more you realise you don’t know.

I thought of this term whilst messaging an online friend about rope and nerve problems, because he had encountered it very recently. I had just been teaching my class on rope safety and how our bodies are in rope the day before, so this topic was very fresh in my mind. The day before that, someone posted a writing on Fetlife about an injury caused by rope play. As we chatted, the friend mentioned how wrist drop and nerve problems are somewhat common. And they are, as we see in incident reports. On reflection, I am genuinely shocked. How can injuries become “normalised” when safety and risk mitigations are the primary concerns of rope players? We have a duty to avoid harm. Otherwise, it is abuse. What is going on that the need to suspend is more important than safety?

I know people will take their own risks in the rope they do. I’m not in the business of telling people what to do. I will draw on safety advice and offer it wherever it is wanted, though. Because rope play is edge play; meaning it’s the type of play that can leave long term problems and potentially be fatal, if you don’t know what you are doing. And, to be frank, most people don’t. They don’t know the risks they are taking. They haven’t had that level of education or mentorship. Or it didn’t sink in yet. It is a lot to absorb. Or, most likely, people get carried away with their fantasies.

Fantasies. It is just that. It is common that people join rope and kink spaces because of posts they have seen on the internet. And on joining the scene, they see all those things in person and looking ruddy awesome. We want that. We want to experience those amazing scenes. We want to be cool, like those popular people doing rope. We want in.

Why wouldn’t we? YouTube has amazing content. There’s books. There’s classes. There’s really lovely people skill sharing. It is possible. It can be within arms reach. So we reach.

My friend said people in his area are thinking of running taster suspension sessions. There are so many issues here, that I had to go away and think about it. Write about it here. Because, that might encourage is the fetishisation of suspension ties, which I’m concerned about. It feeds the demand that exists because of the content people like me post. People see the post and want in. They reach out their arms. And I can’t help but think that anyone that exploits that demand is unethical.

Ethics are subjective though. That’s not lost on me. I can see why feeding the demand in the relative safety of a kink event, in the company of people who take safety seriously is a better option. It is.

But I have seen people very new to rope play being exploited by riggers and suspended before their time. They might know functional ties and have all the equipment (and people vouching for them), but they haven’t done the rest of the work. Perhaps they have missed the whole point of rope: it’s about the individual and their own needs; it’s about connection; it’s about healing and finding ways to explore taboos; it’s about reaching parts of our psyche that is lost in the day to day mundane; its about self expression and beauty. And so many other things.

However, even if we only consider the safety aspects, a gap exists. What isn’t commonly talked about is just how different suspension ties are to floor work. The risks increase exponentially once you load bare a tie. If rope is edge play, suspension rope is at the far edges of the edge play. This should be respected. The parties need to have spent years building up their body knowledge. They need to have developed strong reflective practices. They need to have built the communication and trust to take those risks. It can’t happen quickly.

In my class yesterday, I asked what the common risks that the attendees might’ve heard about previously. I mentioned about how radial nerve damage was all the talk of the kink town in the first 2 or 3 years on the kink scene for me. I said that we need to know more and taught them basics. But, only one of them has openly said they had even heard of that common problem. I am concerned that nerve damage and other risk factors are not being discussed on my local scene. I was dumbfounded. People just don’t know what they are doing.

So, it bothers me hugely. It bothers me that people aren’t getting the memo that everything you see on the Internet is a lie. I say that in my classes. Do not look at a picture or video and copy it. What is fine for one body, isn’t for the next. What is fine one day, isn’t the next. There are so many factors to consider. Pressure compounds. Injuries happen out of the blue, sometimes, especially in the air. We can’t possibly know the weeks or months of work and negotiations that went into the tie. You don’t know what you don’t know.

So let’s try moving away from the standard perception that suspension ties are the best. Lets stop fetishising shibari styles for marketing purposes. Because suspension ties, Japanese inspired or not, aren’t for every body. Amazing scenes, longer scenes, more fluid scenes happen on the floor. And let’s not treat injuries like an occupational hazard.

These are my own opinions based on my own experience and practise. I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on this.

Happy Easter, Passover and Ramadan ✝️✡️☪️

Feature image: self tied futomono and body wraps of DeaNexa, photo edited into an image of a glass water. Everything is an illusion.