Advice - Your Rope

What A Scene Is, And Why You Need To Stay Out Of It!

A scene is an agreed, fully negotiated time and space between people that want to explore a particular type of play. It may be bondage, impact play, humiliation play and all the things in-between and overlapping. It’s kinda like a play in a theatre, all organised and planned, with the objective to fulfill the particular needs of the participants. It’s a beautiful thing to delve ourselves into, an opportunity to express a deeper part of our personality that may not be expressed in any other context.

The scene is sacred to the people in it. We all must totally respect that.

The most annoying thing about scening in front of other people, is when one or more of the onlookers try to join in. They just don’t seem to get what they’re doing. In my experience, I’ve been far more disturbed in my self ties at events – people asking questions, making suggestions, deciding to help out when I’ve not discussed it beforehand, and even invading my space and making sexualised comments, when to me my rope isn’t sexual. If there’s 20 people in a scene or a person scening on their own, it’s the same. It’s not acceptable to interfere the magic that is being created. It’s rude, self entitled and completely disrespectful.

And all events will have rules regarding this. Generally accepted rules are:

  1. Never talk to the people in the scene unless asked to by the participants and it part of the negotiated scene. You are disturbing the intensity of the play.
  2. Never touch someone in the scene unless asked to by the participants and it part of the negotiated scene. Doing so is assault. You have zero entitlement to other people’s bodies.
  3. Never touch the equipment of the participants. It’s not yours.
  4. Stay off the sectioned area and/or mats. It’s not your area.
  5. Never interfere with the aftercare unless explicitly requested by the participants.

If a Dungeon Monitor interferes in a scene, it’s because they’ve seen something dangerous and are acting out of maintaining safety at the event. If you see something in a scene that looks off, it’s not your job to interfere. Ask a DM to make the decision for you, they’re normally trained to handle these situations (well, should be). More intense scenes are normally made aware to the DMs. The DM’s word is final.

So, there you have it. No excuses now. Stay out of my scenes with others and those I do on my own. Just because I let you see a smidgen of the kink I enjoy, doesn’t give you the right to spoil my experience. In fact, stay the fuck out of everyone’s scenes.

Dea Nexa

(Image: self tie)

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