(Aka bottoms, please try to remember all your medical needs before playing, it’s unsafe when you don’t.)
We all forget things. And when we’re about to play with rope we get excited. Maybe even shy. You’re asked about any medical conditions or medication you need, like all good tops/riggers will ask, and you say what you remember. Sorry, but as an experienced top THAT JUST ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!
- A lot of rope we do carries heavy risks. Those risks need to be mitigated.
- If you have a medical condition and don’t disclose it, you’re being incredibly dangerous. You’re increasing your risk of injury exponentially.
- Not telling your top about a sore limb, dizziness, or any other physical or mental need is neglectful and completely unfair on the top. How can anyone play with a toy happily if they don’t know the risks they’re taking on?
- Tops aren’t mind readers or spiritual gurus that instinctively know everything about you. To assume so is delusional. Don’t be delusional.
- If something happens in a scene due to an undisclosed medical need, you can’t expect the top to take the responsibility.
- Adding D/s to the mix and you’re playing with fire, and will get burned. Not in a fun way, either. Dominants as much as tops rely on your self disclosure to express themselves, to play safely and not cause harm. Handing over control when you haven’t said what you’re handing over is selfish.
- Whilst bottoming you may enter a headspace that makes your ability to communicate your forgotten need impossible.
- If you’re playing with the intent of extending the dynamic, and think holding back your motivations and therefore medical needs that might “put them off” will help you, you’re being crazy level selfish and manipulative. Get help from a professional.
- Honesty isn’t easy, but it is necessary.
- Only play with people you feel you can be totally honest with.
It’s definitely easier for tops to play with experienced enough bottoms, ones whom they know will give all the information needed beforehand, to discuss limits and boundaries fruitfully. Tops sometimes avoid new/unreliable people, preferring ample experience and self awareness from bottoms. It’s safer that way. Therefore, bottoms GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER NOW, it’ll pay dividends later.
I’d suggest, on your journey learn to list your needs and memorise them. Write them down and save on your kink cloud if you have to. Do not allow an opportunity for you to forget. Take your needs more seriously, because kink is great, but not if you end up in a hospital or worse.
…. Also, tops, don’t forget to say your needs either. We’re not machines, we’re allowed to put our needs first too.
(image: self tie, “When Venus Lost Her Arms”)