We often see content about red flags – warning signs that the person you know might be abusive and in the early stages of developing a harmful relationship with you. But often, I see people referring to actual criminal behaviour as red flags, when it’s more than that. I heard a YouTuber refer to this as “yellow tape conduct”, because at this point a law has been broken or a person has been harmed or even murdered.
You see, none of this is light hearted. People die everyday at the hands of their partner or former partner, because the abuser’s need for power and control is so great. People are injured, their property damaged, their ability to go to where they want us taken from them, and putdowns, threats and intimidation become the norm. This is the end result in a cycle of abuse that could only exist when the red flags are ignored. So, you need to know the red flags for sure, but at the same time not confuse this with yellow tape conduct, aka abuse.
Abuse starts with love bombing, a need to be around their victim all the time, implying negative things about their victim’s family and friends, wanting to help fix your home, give you lifts, things that could easily be viewed as romantic and caring, but occur so intensely and in clusters that it leaves their victim uneasy. Those are red flags. There are many more like these, and I’d encourage everyone to get familiar with the work by Pat Craven to understand why and how abuse happens.
Yellow tapes are assaulting and/or touching with out consent, restricting movement and/or preventing the victim from leaving, damaging property, restricted/removed access to financial assets, taking and/or posting images without your consent, issuing threats of harm against you, someone you know or to themselves if you don’t do as you are told. At this point abusive behaviour is only tolerated because the victim is trapped, isolated and/or too frightened to leave. Victims try to make excuses for their abusers and blame themselves, believing the crying apologies and declarations that they will change. But instead it gets worse and the abuse takes on new forms. They might reach out for help, but not be believed.
Sound familiar? Help is out there. You will be believed. None of what you are experiencing is your fault. https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Dea Nexa