You don’t know what you don’t know, sometimes. You might see a rope tie and try to copy it, either structurally or artistically. But, oftentimes, you might not know everything that goes into what you see. You don’t see the months or years long relationships that led to that point that inspired you. You might not know the mechanics and structures of ties, especially if they are new to you. You probably don’t know the risks you are taking on, because almost all rope is edge play, after all.
Johari’s window pops to mind. A grid with four sections, two columns denoting what we are aware of and not, and two rows denoting what other’s are aware of and aren’t. We want to operate in the zone where we and those around us are aware of risks as much as possible, be willing to ask for guidance, be willing to accept guidance, and do our utmost to not be in the “I’m not aware and neither is anyone around me” section. That’s a very dangerous place to find oneself.
As a rope community, we all need people to bounce ideas off with, share technical know-how, and call us out when we’re taking a dangerous, or at least very risky, course of action that could lead to a serious injury. We need educators that know their level of skills and teach to or beneath that level. We need to take our education very seriously.
The number of times in my over a decades-long experience of rope that I have needed to intervene because it was obvious that they don’t know what they are doing or are not sufficiently mitigating any of the risks they are taking, is too many to count. I was reminded today that my hesitation to speak up needs to be ignored. I’m glad I spoke out, because if I didn’t, someone could’ve been seriously harmed, because they didn’t know what they didn’t know. But because I did, I moved the scenario away from the danger zone and to a learning opportunity.
My advice to anyone exploring rope play would be to really take your time to understand the ins and outs of rope play. Seen something hot? Don’t copy it, or at least until you’ve understood what you are doing and have someone supporting/mentoring your journey. Go to classes. My foundations classes give you the foundational information on anatomy, consent, and healthy rope play to get you started (or to attend as a refresher for us more experienced folks). I may teach what I’m very comfortable with, but I will always access educational opportunities to test my knowledge and skills, and update my understanding of best practice. Because, sometimes, I don’t know what I don’t know.
Dea Nexa
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This is not intended as a criticism of any individual or organisation, we are all learning. For more of content like this, check out my profile and follow me.
Image is a self tie using a dance pole, with my snuggle hip harness and a hashira tie to the pole.